Sometimes I Wonder
Written on December 15th, 1998 by Michael Giammatteo

Sometimes I Wonder – Vico was diagnosed with Autism on Dec 14, 1999. The very next day, I wrote this song. Three days later, this recording was completed. Like many families, the diagnosis was given to us as a sentence. We were given very little in the way of hope and absolutely nothing in the way of information. So we were left to blame…ourselves.

The recording - I recorded a quick demo on Dec 16th, the day after I had written it. David laid down guitar & bass on Dec 18th. I mixed it on Dec 20th. Although I have revisited a lot of these songs during the making of this CD, this song remains exactly as it was recorded during the week of Vico’s diagnosis. Not a note was altered. A part of me wanted to redo the vocals, as I feel they are a little rough. But, looking back, of course they are a little rough. The vocals were recorded all of two days after the diagnosis & I was still devastated & deeply in shock. I rarely listen to this recording because, even after seven years, it takes me right back to how I felt at the time. Because of that, it’s probably the most powerful song on this disc (and the reason the disc exists at all).

Musicians:
David: bass, guitars
Michael: vocals, keyboards, percussion

SOMETIMES I WONDER

Maybe it’s me
Or is that just an egotistical view on tragedy
But sometimes I wonder

No one’s to blame
But that doesn’t ease the guilt or alleviate the pain
And sometimes I wonder

Has God gone away this week?
Have things been too good for us?
My little darling, you won’t speak
But that doesn’t change our love

My quiet son
I guess your situation could happen to anyone
But sometimes I wonder

Has God gone away this week?
Have things been too good for us?
My little darling, you won’t speak
But that doesn’t change our love

I’m watching you grow
And I think you should know
That you are part of me
I’ll always be here
There’s nothing to fear
‘Cause you are part of me

Let’s go and play
And I’ll convince myself that everything’s okay
But sometimes I wonder

Has God gone away this week?
Were things just too good for us?
My little darling, you won’t speak
But that’ll never change our love

I’m watching you grow
And I think you should know
That you are part of me
I’ll always be near
I wish you could hear me
‘Cause you are part of me

Maybe it’s me
Or is that just an egotistical view on tragedy
But sometimes I wonder